If you thought romance was dead, then you need to tune in to Channel 7’s Farmer Wants a Wife and meet Farmer Jason, who took one look at a woman who’d never been on a date in her life and thought: “Yabbying. That’ll do it.”

Logan told a smitten Jason she’d never experienced real romance, a low bar to clear I suppose.

“To the yabbies!” he declared, raising an unbranded, unsponsored beer to toast the freshwater crustacean.

Meanwhile, over in actual Romance Town, Farmer Alex took Eddy to a bathhouse for wine, cheese and cut fruit. Jason, mate, you might want to borrow his notes.

At Farmer Alex’s Queensland farm, Rachel stumbled across Eddy’s notebook while making a shopping list.

Inside was a love letter from Eddy professing strong feelings for Alex, which set the other two girls off.

“I know it’s such a breach of privacy,” Rachel said.

Well yes ... It’s also now been broadcast to several hundred thousand people, so I’d say the privacy ship has well and truly sailed.

Ever the diplomat, Alex got to work smoothing things over, apologising for mixed messages and promising he wasn’t there to waste anyone’s time.

Now that’s a sentence every single person on this show has said at least once.

Suzannah, showing more emotional regulation than the format generally requires, suggested everyone sleep on it.

Wise move. Everything’s better after a kip.

Naturally, production couldn’t resist a montage of serious expressions and dramatic music first, because God forbid we get straight to bed without manufactured tension and a string section.

The next morning the group decided there was no point flogging a dead horse, and Alex sent Suzannah off the farm.

Sad to see you go Suze, you were too sensible for this paddock anyway.

Jarrad and Brodie, on the other hand, are going from strength to strength, with talk of kids already on the table and, by the sound of it, nearly broaching into action right then and there.

Guys, this isn’t a calving paddock ... cameras off, please.

Dylan and Scarlett had their second solo date, with Dylan rocking double denim. Mate, that look’s been out of fashion since roughly the Great Depression.

We checked with Google AI just to be sure we weren’t being unfair. It agreed. The 1930s called, Dylan, and they want their wardrobe back.

Our sharp-eyed observers also noted Dylan drives a Hilux, which, as everyone knows, is a guaranteed sign of a long-term thinker. Green flag?

The pair talked logistics, agreeing they’d “figure stuff out” down the track, truly the romance language of the land, before sealing the date with a kiss.

Dylan did flag some concern about whether Scarlett can keep up with his demanding cowboy rodeo-circuit lifestyle, which is surely a sentence that no-one can take seriously.

Farmer Zac flew under the radar a bit this week, obviously not causing enough drama to warrant any substantial screen-time.

The episode wrapped with Logan spitting the dummy over having to share Farmer Jason with the other women, a development that, on a show literally built around one man dating multiple women, came as a surprise to precisely no-one.

Jason, for his part, didn’t have much to say about it.

In fairness, he doesn't seem to have much to say about anything.

Maybe he’s playing the strong, silent type.

Wise, can’t get in trouble if ya don’t say anything.

Same time next week, for more love, logistics, and presumably more crustaceans.

Deniliquin Pastoral Times Google News Panels

Wednesday, 12th November 2031

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