Listen, I've been around for seventy-seven dog years — that's over a decade in your peculiar human counting — and I've seen some things. But this Louvre business on October 19?

Even I had to lift an ear to hear the details and ponder the sheer audacity. Eight priceless necklaces and earrings from the French Crown Jewels, including those presented by Napoleon to his second wife.

They were rescued from the looting hordes after the French Revolution but have now vanished in broad daylight while security guards presumably stood around discussing their luncheon cheese.

It took the thieves just four minutes. They parked a mobile basket lift outside in the street to access the first floor of the gallery, opened the windows with power tools and stepped inside in broad daylight.

They threatened the security staff, who fled like the French Army in June 1940. It took Hitler six weeks to scare the French into surrender, it took these blokes six seconds. The intruders used their tools to open the cabinets, bagged the gems and went out the way they came in.

The humans are baffled. The police have “no leads”. Naturally, they haven’t consulted a dog.

Particularly the neighbourhood dogs, who would have an excellent idea of where the thieves went and what they did with the loot, not to mention who they are. But with all the miracles of artificial intelligence, humans haven’t figured out how to ask dogs a simple question.

Naturally, the French people are up in arms about how masked men could so easily evade sophisticated alarms and security to nick priceless objets d’art from one of the most important art institutions in the world.

The Boss tells me it’s not the first time by any means. The Louvre has a long history of unsolved break-ins and thefts. One of the most famous was when the Mona Lisa was stolen in 1911.

The culprit was an Italian immigrant, Vincenzo Peruggia, who had briefly worked at the Louvre and came back in his old work clothes, entered unchallenged and walked out with Da Vinci’s famous painting under his smock.

He thought it deserved to be in Italy rather than France, but in fact Da Vinci painted it in France, and it was purchased by the then king in 1518. Peruggia tried to sell it to another museum two years later.

After France surrendered in 1940, the Nazis headed to the Louvre to pilfer the treasures, but the director, Jacques Jaujard, had packed up 1800 wooden cases of the most important art works and spirited them off around the countryside.

There have been plenty of thefts during the past 60 years, too, including jewellery and many paintings cut from their frames. A number have never been recovered.

Last week’s heist included a tiara and brooch belonging to Empress Eugénie, wife of Napoleon III, and an emerald necklace and a pair of emerald earrings from Empress Marie Louise. Empress Eugénie's crown was found damaged on the escape route, investigators said, apparently having been dropped during the escape.

The irreplaceable pieces will be difficult to sell intact and will likely be broken up for their thousands of precious gems, with the gold and silver melted down. The gems are said to be worth around $160 million.

The Paris dogs know who did it and where they live — but who’s asking? Woof!

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Monday, 29th November 2027

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