Well, well, well. Those under-worked bureaucrats in the ACT have come up with more ways to complicate life. They’ve decided we dogs need a whole new ‘code of practice’ because the old one from 2010 was getting a bit… ruff around the edges, if you know what I mean.

It’s called the Draft Code of Practice for the Welfare of Dogs in the ACT, and they are seeking feedback from key stakeholders, dog owners and the wider community — everyone except the dogs.

Despite not asking those most affected, they are proud of their ground-breaking work. They say the draft code is underpinned by an “updated framework” that recognises we dogs are “sentient beings who can feel and perceive the world around them”.

Now, the Neanderthal hunters worked this out 50,000 years ago when they employed us to help them find their supper — but some people are slow to catch on. We’ve been giving humans puppy-dog eyes ever since, not to mention guilt-tripping you into snacks and pestering you for walks and entertainment.

In even more ground-breaking work, they say the code recognises that we dogs “have intrinsic value, and deserve to be treated with compassion and have a quality of life that reflects their intrinsic value”.

Another new idea? Ask any sheep or cattle farmer, or the police and other people who use their dogs to track, find or restrain people, sniff out drugs, explosives and contraband, or use companion dogs for the blind, as watch dogs — or just good company.

They must have missed Mark Twain’s splendid observation that “The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.”

Emboldened by this new framework, they plan to introduce some “mandatory standards” certain to annoy humans and dogs alike. The Boss reckons bureaucrats, ombudsmen and coroners keep inventing laws that punish the many for the misdeeds of a few. And the few never change their ways anyway, leaving the rest of us to choke under increasing burdens of regulation.

These Canberra dog police are insisting that dogs have a minimum of three hours human contact a day — tell that to the farmer who needs his dogs all day one week and not at all the next.

And they are prohibiting the use of retractable leashes, which are great fun to watch when an owner has no control over his mutt. They also insist all dogs must be on a leash except when in a designated off-leash area.

That’s not the end of it: when in an off-leash area, the person in charge of a dog “must have the dog under effective control at all times”. Good luck with that. Furthermore, the owner must “monitor the dog’s behaviour”.

They’re dreaming. What happens in an off-leash park is the humans all gather for social catch-ups and the dogs run riot — and everyone is mostly happy. There’s the occasional dust-up, but it doesn’t need an act of parliament to sort it out.

More overreach still: all dogs over the age of six months must be desexed (the Boss says many breeders and vets will say a female is better to have her first heat cycle first).

Not finished with that, they say a dog must be “securely confined within property boundaries”. Unlike the Neanderthals, they have no understanding of — or respect for — a dog’s concept of territory. And this is my river. Woof!

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Friday, 22nd October 2027

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