From the Commander and Chief Executive of the My Word Megaphone:

A number of very disturbing and horrible examples of WOKE behaviour have come across my desk this past week.

First and MOST DISTURBING was an ugly demonstration and march by Radical Left Lunatics down Wyndham St to the office of our federal representative about a political issue that should be of no concern to the peace-loving residents of our great city.

Some socialist vandals even left handwritten hate messages on the office windows of our federal member and even disfigured his face with an ugly message.

Sensibly, the very well-respected federal MP for Nicholls chose not to address this communist rabble.

I will be appointing him to a senior role in my administration very soon.

This sort of nasty radical left behaviour will not be tolerated, which is why today I am signing an executive order to bring our proud flag-waving biker boys on to the streets of our city to restore peace and civil order.

We cannot and will not have our streets taken over by a nasty and highly rebellious horde of noisy illiterate criminals.

It has also been brought to my attention that a terrible woke art fair was held at one of our treasured federation landmarks — the MacIntosh Centre — at the weekend.

I have heard that as well as a stall promoting horrible un-Australian LGBT ideology, there were examples of abstract art on show.

This sort of art is the product of deranged socialist minds and must be stamped out. Even our flagship gallery, SAM, is out of control and promoting the work of a no-talent has-been drug addict.

Which is why I am signing an executive order today to return true Australian art showing beautiful Aussie sunsets, gum trees and paddle steamers to our galleries. Make Australia great again.

Also, I have been told of concerts promoting the music of foreign cultures such as a Welsh Male Voice Choir in a local pub and a program of obscure music written by German and Italian people performed at our city hall.

What’s wrong with our amazing Aussie music like Slim Dusty and Chad Morgan?

Also, we are spending far too much money on maintaining the ugly and horrible rose garden opposite my beautiful city hall.

So I am signing an executive order to concrete the area and bring real Australian beauty to the centre of the city such as monster muscle car displays, giant fruit and a big bare-knuckle boxing ring.

This is what people want.

Also, stupid and ugly windmills are killing our state.

Energy prices are up 400 per cent this year and there’s not enough electricity to look after our beautiful and amazing state, which is the “hottest”.

We must get rid of the creeping woke virus because we all know WOKE IS BROKE.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

John Lewis is a former journalist at The News

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Saturday, 3rd January 2026

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