They that travel light arrive with more delight.

I think that’s Socrates.

Or was it a Facebook neck pillow ad? Or maybe it was a piece of Instagram life-coach advice.

Whatever, it’s a truism about travel you just can’t ignore when it comes to looking for the right luggage.

On a big international trip, you need to consider what is essential and what is not.

So, phone chargers, charger chargers and the different plugs you need to charge the chargers that charge the phone are all essentials.

Once that’s sorted, there’s socks and jocks, one pair of pants and possibly a shirt all in a small suitcase. Job done.

But there are some people who have reduced luggage even further.

And the Australian male is flying high in the world championships of travelling light.

I was speaking to a reliable source the other day who told me of a Shepparton man about to embark on his annual footy trip to Bali who walked out the door in shorts, T-shirt and thongs. When his wife asked him where his bag was, he replied his phone and passport were in his pocket, so he didn’t need any luggage.

“What about clothes?” his wife shouted after him.

“I’m wearing them,” he replied.

“If I need anything else, I’ll buy it over there.”

Now, there’s a man who has pushed travelling light to the Olympic level.

I am about to head to the UK with family for a month in October, and I am inspired by this man. However, I can’t quite manage zero luggage heading deep into an English and Scottish autumn. A sweater or two would be handy.

My Deep Throat baggage source, who shall remain nameless to protect his international naked luggage roaming reputation, told me of another space-saving technique he had employed on previous trips.

He said that on a trip to the UK at the height of the northern summer with a few Shepparton mates, he put a change of clothes in an esky, bound it with several layers of gaffer tape, and checked it in as luggage.

When they arrived at their hotel, this luggage naturist cut off the tape, threw his clothes on the bed, and bingo! He had a fully functional esky ready for car and train journeys around the UK packed with a supply of coldies. I was impressed. This gives a whole new meaning to ‘gentleman’s traveller’.

Moreover, my friend continued, during a summer in England where mobile cold beer and wine is something of a rarity, he and his friends had a handy supply covered in ice scooped from open-topped motorway soft-drink fridges in his long-handled esky trundling along behind.

“My esky became a bit of a talking point,” he said.

“Some people had never seen one before.”

Now, there’s bush mechanics for you.

When I asked him to explain his ingenious travel method to the Chief Gardener, she looked at him incredulously with half-closed eyelids masking an unspoken thought: “What is the matter with you blokes?”

So, there you are — a bulky suitcase or handy esky?

But wait, it gets deeper — is the eternal quest for negative luggage a gender thing?

I’ll just leave that thought on the carousel.

I’ll unpack it later.

John Lewis is a former journalist at The News.

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Monday, 13th May 2024

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